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DEVELOPING PATIENCE

From Tibetan Buddhist Encyclopedia
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DEVELOPING PATIENCE


Buddhism suggests two main antidotes to anger: patience and love. Standing at a wet bus stop for hours and hating it is not really patience. To practice patience, in addition to physically enduring a difficult situation, we need to have a content mind.

You might wonder why anyone would willingly endure suffering in the first place. The explanation is very simple—in this life, no one escapes suffering. Since we all have to endure it, why compound it by developing a negative mind about it? Feeling content even though the bus has not come is better than feeling angry about it. Either way you are still wet and waiting for that bus.

This should not be taken to mean that we should be masochists, seeking out misery and making ourselves suffer, or that we dumbly acquiesce to suffering when it happens. Do what you need to, but don’t let your mind get upset about your situation. Shantideva gives the simplest but most profound advice on this:

Why be unhappy about something


If it can be remedied?


And what is the use of being unhappy about something


If it cannot be remedied?20

In this practice, self-awareness is vital. Without knowing we are suffering, we will have no desire to change it; and without knowing the roots of that suffering, we will have no means to change it. This leads us back to the issue of the correct interpretation of the event. Obviously, if we can do nothing about a late bus, we must endure the wait.


Of course this practice is more difficult when the situation is more dramatic—for example, if someone is being deliberately malicious. Suppose someone is vandalizing our property or is insulting us behind our back. We can interpret the situation in many ways. We can think, this person hates me, is harming me deliberately, and this is entirely her choice—the situation is completely under her control. This is the way the angry mind usually interprets a situation of this kind. To the angry mind there is never any justification for “her” actions and always plenty justification for “mine.”

However, there is another choice here. We can think, “I am acting unskillfully because I am controlled by my anger. Maybe it is the same with the other person. Maybe she is controlled by emotions and is suffering just as much as I am. And further, maybe I have contributed to the situation in some way and I am at least partially responsible. If I really were as perfect as my wounded ego is telling me I am, then there would be no way that person could upset me so much. So maybe I need to look at exactly why I am so upset from the point of view of my own shortcomings rather than hers.” A thought process along these lines can help us diffuse the anger in our minds.

If we see a seriously unstable man inflicting injuries on himself, we readily admit that he is out of control and does not realize what he is doing. This is an extreme example, but really, in everyday life, none of us are totally aware of what we are doing. Just as we are driven by irrational rage and the wish to retaliate when someone hurts us, so that person who harms us is driven by forces outside of his control. He is the instrument of his disturbed emotions in the same way that we are when we get angry.


Thinking like this, we can insert a gap between the situation and our minds. In that gap, patience will grow. Shantideva uses the analogy of being beaten with a stick to illustrate the dependent nature of all our actions.


If I become angry with the wielder


Although I am actually harmed by the harstick,


Then since the perpetrator, too, is secondary, being in turn incited by hatred,


I should be angry with his hatred instead.21


Getting angry at the stick is illogical, but if we examine it, so too is getting angry at the person, who, ruled by his negative emotions, is just as much a passive instrument as the stick. Seeing how both parties in the argument are equally out of control, we can develop empathy for our adversary. This is the start of patience.


Taking this even further, the transformation really starts, and we actively begin to learn to endure suffering willingly. If we really analyze a situation, we will find that it is not completely negative. No matter how bad things are, we can always learn something. What we can learn is patience, which, from a Buddhist point of view, is one of the most important qualities to develop. So this unpleasant experience, if used properly, can actually enrich and ennoble our lives.

How many people have admitted they have grown through unpleasant experiences? In Buddhism we say that your friends do not help you develop because they cater to your sense of self, whereas an enemy challenges your sense of self, and so is uniquely capable of showing you your weaknesses. In that way your worst enemy is your best friend—if you can use him or her that way!


If we perceive a difficult event as something positive, it will be less painful, and there will be less suffering. I’m always amazed when I watch the London marathon. All those thousands of people going through all that suffering—willingly! They see something very positive happening, and so they undertake all that pain with joy. For me, it would be sheer misery. But difficult situations are only negative if we allow them to be problems.

DEVELOPING LOVE


The opposite of hatred is love, and love is the best antidote to anger. Our anger can only be directed at one of three objects: ourselves, other beings, or inanimate objects such as things, events, and ideas. Besides huge ideologies, which can be objects of intense hatred, it is usually fairly easy to deal with our feelings in relation to objects because there is no emotional interaction. Although maybe I should exclude computers from that statement! Generally, however, our greatest difficulties are with living beings, ourselves or others.


Start with yourself. To meditate on giving yourself love, you first need to acknowledge that you are not happy. Whether due to a deprived childhood, a frustrated ambition, or relationship problems, you are hard on yourself and lack something you really want—love. And so, in meditation, you recognize this, and without dwelling on the causes too much, you imagine bright white light at your heart, spreading out and filling your whole being with light and love. Doing this often will slowly lighten your anguish and give you space to explore the reasons you feel hollow or angry, and the methods to overcome it.


It is exactly the same process when you want to feel love toward others. Whether a person who has given you difficulties, a stranger you have heard about who is really suffering, or a group of friends, the process is to acknowledge that they are suffering and then, with all your heart, wish them sincere and lasting happiness. Imagine how freeing it would feel if you could genuinely wish your worst enemy happiness! That dark, heavy weight at your heart would lift immediately. So, in the same way, imagine a bright white light at your heart, only this time it shoots out like a laser beam and enters the person or people you are meditating on and fills them with white light, resulting in their happiness.


Love, according to Buddhism, is wishing someone to be happy. It is nothing more than that. It is not attachment or lust; it is a simple and beautiful emotion.


Compassion is the other side of the coin. Everyone wants to have happiness and to avoid suffering, so love is wishing them happiness and compassion is wishing them to be free from suffering. With compassion, the focus is not on the happiness we wish for ourselves or others, but on the suffering we and others are filled with at present. In this meditation you make yourself aware of that suffering and then sincerely aspire to eliminate it. Other than that, the meditation is the same, with white light filling the person’s being (or your own body, if you are concentrating on yourself) and eliminating every atom of suffering.


Focusing on the person who is making you angry is a wonderful meditation. Imagine all the good qualities that that person has in potential, and imagine as you fill him or her with white light that those qualities are actualized. Sometimes it may be emotionally painful to do this with an enemy, but it is painful in a positive way.

There is no magic trick to ridding ourselves of negative emotions. We must confront and overcome them through internal analysis and meditation and with a great deal of patience; it is a slow process. Realizing the destructive nature of the negative emotions, such as anger, and understanding that their causes always lie latent in our minds, we begin the practice of reducing them and lessening their influence in our lives.


WHOLESOME MENTAL FACTORS


THE THREE FUNDAMENTAL POSITIVE MENTAL FACTORS


OF THE SIX CATEGORIES OF MENTAL FACTORS, we have dealt with the always-present, the object-ascertaining, and the negative mental factors and have briefly mentioned the variable mental factors. That leaves us with the ones we want to develop—the positive or wholesome mental factors. In the traditional list, eleven wholesome mental factors are mentioned, but I have elaborated on these to highlight their varying degrees of subtlety. As with the negative mental factors, I have categorized them into three zones.


At the core of our psyche are three wholesome mental factors: nonattachment, nonhatred, and nonignorance. These root virtuous mindstates belong to zone 1. They exist in the mind as potentials and as subterranean forces; they only manifest directly when we peel back the onion skins of increasingly more subtle minds to reveal them.


As was the case with negative mental factors, we need to deal first with the least-subtle ones of zone 3, although here of course we are trying to develop the positive mindstates rather than eliminate the negative ones. Before we can develop compassion, for example, we need a degree of equanimity and mindfulness. Although the positive mental factors of the third zone can counteract third-zone negative mental factors, they do not effectively manage the negative mental factors that are more deep-rooted. For example, friendliness or a calm state of mind are not real antidotes to our self-centered attitudes.


WHOLESOME MENTAL FACTORS


mental factors aspect of noble eightfold path


THIRD ZONE


confidenceright effort

optimismright action

joyright speech

equanimityright livelihood

friendliness

calmness

mindfulness

• correct understanding of cause and effect

SECOND ZONE

loving-kindnessright mindfulness

compassionright concentration

altruism

calm abiding

constant mindfulness of body, speech, and mind

constant application to long-term goals

FIRST ZONE

nonattachmentright thought

nonhatredright view

• nonignorance

Nonattachment, the first wholesome mental factor in zone 1, is the opposite of attachment. Whereas attachment exaggerates the qualities of an object, nonattachment sees how external conditions are unreliable sources of pleasure. Suppose you possess a beautiful object, an antique. Through examination of its parts and its impermanence, you can come to understand its nature. With such objects, worldly people focus on how expensive it is or how much other people admire it. Through investigation, you can come to see the flip side—that no matter how beautiful or valuable the object is, it has the potential to bring suffering. Understanding this deeply plants the seeds of nonattachment.


Every object that brings us plearisure can also bring us suffering and anxiety. The more we value an object, the more we worry that it will be broken or taken from us. That is the nature of our mind and of our relationship with objects.


It is possible to develop nonattachment even to our own bodies. That does not mean we neglect our bodies or health. But through examining the nature of our bodies, and understanding that they are composed merely of flesh, bones, skin, organs, and so on, nonattachment naturally grows.


The nature of the body is also one of continual change. I have a photo of myself in boarding school at nine years old. My hands were so small, but now they are huge; and my skin was so smooth, but now it’s quite rough. I now have wrinkles and gray hair. These are gross changes, but even on a subtle level my body is undergoing continual change. Although my body is not bringing me great suffering at the moment, that potential is there. Examining in this way, an understanding of the nature of things will arise, and nonattachment will develop naturally.


Nonattachment is also called detachment, but I feel this term can be misleading, suggesting a mild form of aversion that is not in operation here. Nonattachment is simply knowing the nature of the object and, as a result, not following our normal clinging in relation to it. Nonattachment is not a state of no feeling. It is a fully functioning mindstate that does not cling, grasp, or want more.


In the same way, nonhatred is one of the core qualities of our minds. When we say our mind is free from hatred, what is present is a complete lack of discrimination—seeing some sentient beings as friends, some as enemies, and some as strangers. This mental factor is endowed with the quality of love for ourselves and for others, without bias. It understands other beingssufferings as well as their genuine happiness. Nonhatred is the greatest quality of mind we can possess. We will experience real peace of mind only when nonhatred is developed.


Nonignorance is a synonym for wisdom. It refers to freedom from the fundamental confusion that functions at the deepest, most subtle level of mind. Nonignorance, like the other root virtuous mental factors, it is not passive, but endowed with clear and active wisdom and understanding.


In this context wisdom refers to the understanding of how things and events actually exist. By starting with a conceptual understanding, and then developing qualities such as single-pointed concentration and compassion, the mind can be led to a direct realization of the true nature of all phenomena. Only then will the most fundamental confusion, ignorance, be eliminated.


THE TRADITIONAL ELEVEN POSITIVE MENTAL FACTORS


While these three root mental factors are the core of the positive mind, other virtuous mental states are also considered vital. Traditionally, Buddhist scholars list eleven root positive mental factors:

1. nonattachment

2. nonhatred

3. nonignorance

4. faith

5. self-respect

6. consideration for others

7. enthusiasm

8. suppleness

9. conscientiousness

10. equanimity

11. nonviolence


It’s not difficult to understand how important these are.


Take faith, for example. Faith in Buddhism does not refer to blind faith, but to faith that arises from observation and reflection. The Buddha’s teachings include things too subtle for us to fully comprehend at this time, such as the most intricate workings of karma. But because we can prove the logical truth of what the Buddha says about things we can check up on, such as momentary impermanence, we can develop conviction that the more subtle teachings are also correct.


Self-worth and consideration for others are two sides of the same coin, and both are crucial to our development. They are similar in that they inspire us to refrain from harmful actions—toward ourselves in the case of self-worth, and toward others in the case of consideration for others. How can we develop our minds if we are plagued by low self-esteem, which is as unrealistic and ego-driven as arrogance? And how can we help others if we have no consideration for their perspective or well-being?


As a support for spiritual development, we need to increase our mental capacity through meditation. Specifically, we need to cultivate equanimity, conscientiousness, and suppleness. Equanimity here refers to a stable mind, free of excitement or dullness. The other type of equanimity we often speak of—regarding all beings as equal in their right to have happiness and avoid suffering—is just as important. Conscientiousness and suppleness are crucial to clarity. Conscientiousness is related to joyous perseverance, the energy that allows us to undertake difficult (and sometimes seemingly thankless) work to help others, and one of the six perfections of a bodhisattva. Suppleness in this context does not refer to suppleness of body but of mind—meaning that flexibility that allows the mind to overcome obstacles to meditation and positive action. At present we want to practice, but we face obstacles—the mind is tight or agitated, or we read a passage a dozen times and still can’t understand it. This rigidity that arises from past negative habits is overcome by suppleness.


The last mind, nonviolence, is one much discussed these days, with champions such as Gandhi and His Holiness the Dalai Lama showing by their example that this practice is the only way to avoid the conflicts that we usually consider inevitable. Nonviolence can be applied to all levels of our lives, however; we should not consider it merely physical. We also need to restrain from mental violence—the wish to harm others—and verbal violence, harming others through our speech. The great contemporary Buddhist master, Thich Nhat Hanh, says that even drinking a cup of tea without mindfulness is an act of violence! Geshe Rabten equates nonviolence with compassion, and that is equally valid.



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