ROCK: The ultimate martial art

The world of martial arts is inhabited by many frauds and charlatans, as well as dedicated believers. To increase their egos, and gain more power and money, some martial artists simply defraud the public; while others truly believe in their martial arts, even if there is no factual, logical, or reasonable basis for their beliefs.

In today’s world, especially since the advent of the Internet, anyone with an outrageous belief, such as being able to stop an attacker with pure mind control, may find and attract followers who will believe in them. These people truly believe in their beliefs, regardless of contrary facts, logic, or reason; some are even willing to die for those beliefs, such as those in the Heaven’s Gate cult.

Look around the room you are in and choose any small object. You could easily found a martial art based upon this object and make yourself the art’s grand master. Some mainline martial arts began this way; the founder picked an object, such as a farm tool, and then founded a martial art based on the use of the object as a weapon; giving all techniques complicated names, creating forms, and creating a mystic philosophy about the object that made its use seem exotic and special.

As an example, I am the founder of ROCK!

What is ROCK?

ROCK had its origin when a humanoid first picked up a rock and threw it at another humanoid. Since that time, humans have always informally used rocks as weapons, but, I, the founder, soke, and ethereal supreme grand master of ROCK, revived the ancient rock techniques and created the martial art of ROCK. Until I founded ROCK, the techniques, methods, and philosophies of using rock as weapons were only informally passed by word of mouth from one generation to the next. I formally codified the use of rocks as weapons and created a new martial art. Although the martial art of ROCK is a recent creation, its weapon techniques are ancient and predate any other martial weapon ever known to exist.

Benefits of ROCK

• Rocks are found everywhere on earth, so they are always available for use when needed.
• Rocks are free, so there is no cost for rock weapons.
• The techniques of ROCK are so simple that anyone may quickly learn to use them.
• Of course, ROCK is considered a “hard” fighting style. It is also considered a “linear” style since even ROCK masters have not mastered the technique of throwing a curve rock.
• As weapons, rocks are practically indestructible. Therefore, your favorite rock will last a lifetime and it may pass down to your successors upon your death.
• When needed, the proper size and shape of rock may easily be found and picked up from your surroundings, and, as the circumstances change, the rock may be discarded and a new rock that best fits the current situation may be picked up.
• The techniques of ROCK may easily be adapted to and used with any modern object in your surroundings, such a vase, telephone, chair, beer bottle, etc.
• Either blunt rocks or sharp rocks may be easily found and used as needed.
• Rocks are the ultimate defensive weapons; they can stop punches, kicks, knives, and even bullets.
• Rocks are the only martial arts weapon that may be used to render all other martial arts weapons inoperable, even firearms, by bashing them to pieces.
• Rocks may be used to impress, intimidate, threaten, injure, incapacitate, or kill, as the situation requires.
• It is easy for anyone to make training rocks from common materials, such as from chunks of foam or wads of crushed paper; therefore, anyone may train at home without concern for injury.
• ROCK has techniques that work under any conditions, such as in rain or snow, in hot or cold climates, or even while under water.
• ROCK techniques are well suited to children; the throwing techniques come natural to them. Children under 8 years of age use pebbles. Then, until they reach 13 years of age, children are only allowed to use small stones. Ages 13 and up are allowed to use rocks, although pebbles and stones are still used sometimes to help prevent injuries such as on school playgrounds.
• At close range, held rocks techniques may be used. At medium range, held or thrown rock techniques may be used. At long range, thrown rock techniques may be effective, depending on the size of the rock, and the strength and accuracy of the thrower.
• ROCK has techniques work no matter what you are wearing. You could be in casual clothing or in formal wear and still effectively use ROCK techniques.
• ROCK techniques are adaptable to persons of any gender, age, size, or strength. Although the use of large rocks may require more physical strength than for smaller rocks, smaller rocks may be used just as effectively.
• Once ROCK techniques are mastered, to incapacitate an attacker, the ROCK master needs only to point a rock at the attacker using the deadly “Dim Rock” technique, no contact is required.
• Even masters of big rocks still carry pebbles with them at all times. They may be used to distract the attacker before using the big rock.
• ROCK practitioners do not need to learn pressure points; every part of the attacker’s body is a pressure point when you are attacking with a rock.
• Rocks may also be used to heal injured body parts. Just place a rock on the injury and meditate on the rock. The rock will begin to feel warm and start the healing process.
• ROCK training and usage is easy for anyone; one does not have to be fit, graceful, or smart. Many ROCK masters are fat, clumsy, out of shape, stupid slugs.
• Some ROCK practitioners become so attached to their rocks that they consider them “pet” rocks and keep them in places of honor in their homes.

ROCK has spiritual powers

• If you pray to the rock, your prayers will sometimes be answered.
• If your prayers are not answered, it is because the rock determined it was not the best thing for you at that time. The rock knows best. The rock is never wrong.
• The rock is omniscient and all seeing. If you look around you will be the image of the rock everywhere, from giant boulders to small pebbles. The knows what you are doing at all times.
• If you believe in the rock, you will go to the gold quarry when you die.

Problems with using ROCK

• When used as weapons, rocks are considered deadly weapons.
• Carrying a concealed rock may be illegal in some jurisdictions, depending on the size of the rock.
• Rocks are dirty weapons. Some are covered in dirt, mud, or other substances that may transfer to the user’s hands and clothing.
• Sometimes it is difficult to know the exact shape or composition of a found rock. What appears to be a hard rock may crumble when bashed upon an attacker’s head, and thus be rendered useless as a weapon. A rock with unnoticed sharp edges may cut the user.
• Society considers the use of rocks to be “dirty fighting,” primitive, and uncivilized.
• Due the dangerous techniques used by ROCK, its practitioners cannot compete in competitions for fear of injuring someone or exposing its secrets to gang members.
• Although, ROCK techniques are simple and instinctive, I have put them together in a special order, known only to me, that allows them to be used more effectively than any other rock techniques. All other martial arts that use rocks are ineffective copies of ROCK.
• Each technique is assigned a special ROCK term that must be memorized and used by all students. For example, hitting an attacker on the head with a rock is called “Bashing the evil king where he lives.”
• One shortcoming of ROCK is that if you drop your rock and the attacker picks it up, or the attacker finds his or her own rock, then the attacker will be equally armed. ROCK teaches defensive techniques, but rocks are difficult to defend against, even when the attacker is inexperienced.

Although ROCK techniques are easy to learn, that does not mean it is easy to study ROCK. There are many secret techniques known only to ROCK masters, so instruction is imperative and it is expensive. To teach ROCK, one must first pay a lot of money to buy study materials, attend seminars, etc. Of course, since I am the soke of ROCK, I have written all the books and study materials, and have made all the ROCK DVDs, so I get most of the money. This does not mean instructors cannot make money. They are free to charge exorbitant fees for their services as long as I get a large portion of their profits.

Source

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