Difference between revisions of "THE PRACTICE OF TONGLEN: Transforming Confusion into Wisdom"
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| − | In order to have compassion for others, we have to have compassion for ourselves. | + | In order to have [[compassion]] for others, we have to have [[compassion]] for ourselves. |
| − | In particular, to care about other people who are fearful, angry, jealous, overpowered by addictions of all kinds, arrogant, proud, miserly, selfish, mean —you name it— to have compassion and to care for these people, means not to run from the pain of finding these things in ourselves. In fact, one’s whole | + | In particular, to [[care]] about other [[people]] who are {{Wiki|fearful}}, [[angry]], [[jealous]], overpowered by {{Wiki|addictions}} of all kinds, [[arrogant]], proud, miserly, [[selfish]], mean —you [[name]] it— to have [[compassion]] and to [[care]] for these [[people]], means not to run from the [[pain]] of finding these things in ourselves. In fact, one’s whole |
| − | attitude toward pain can change. Instead of fending it off and hiding from it, one could open one’s heart and allow oneself to feel that pain, feel it as something that will soften and purify us and make us far more loving and kind. | + | [[attitude]] toward [[pain]] can change. Instead of fending it off and hiding from it, one could open one’s [[heart]] and allow oneself to [[feel]] that [[pain]], [[feel]] it as something that will soften and {{Wiki|purify}} us and make us far more [[loving]] and kind. |
| − | The [[tonglen]] practice is a method for connecting with suffering—ours and that which is all around us— everywhere we go. It is a method for overcoming fear of suffering and for dissolving the tightness of our heart. Primarily it is a method for awakening the compassion that is inherent in all of us, no matter how cruel or cold we might seem to be. | + | The [[tonglen]] practice is a method for connecting with suffering—ours and that which is all around us— everywhere we go. It is a method for [[overcoming]] {{Wiki|fear}} of [[suffering]] and for dissolving the tightness of our [[heart]]. Primarily it is a method for [[awakening]] the [[compassion]] that is [[inherent]] in all of us, no {{Wiki|matter}} how {{Wiki|cruel}} or cold we might seem to be. |
| − | We begin the practice by taking on the suffering of a person we know to be hurting and who we wish to help. For instance, if you know of a child who is being hurt, you breathe in the wish to take away all the pain and fear of that child. Then, as you breathe out, you send the child happiness, joy or | + | We begin the practice by taking on the [[suffering]] of a [[person]] we know to be hurting and who we wish to help. For instance, if you know of a child who is being {{Wiki|hurt}}, you [[breathe in]] the wish to take away all the [[pain]] and {{Wiki|fear}} of that child. Then, as you [[breathe out]], you send the child [[happiness]], [[joy]] or |
| − | whatever would relieve their pain. This is the core of the practice: breathing in other’s pain so they can be well and have more space to relax and open, and breathing out, sending them relaxation or whatever you feel would bring them relief and happiness. However, we often cannot do this practice because we come face to face with our own fear, our own resistance, anger, or whatever our personal pain, our personal stuckness happens to be at that moment. | + | whatever would relieve their [[pain]]. This is the core of the practice: [[breathing]] in other’s [[pain]] so they can be well and have more [[space]] to [[relax]] and open, and [[breathing]] out, sending them [[relaxation]] or whatever you [[feel]] would bring them relief and [[happiness]]. However, we often cannot do this practice because we come face to face with our [[own]] {{Wiki|fear}}, our [[own]] resistance, [[anger]], or whatever our personal [[pain]], our personal stuckness happens to be at that [[moment]]. |
| − | At that point you can change the focus and begin to do [[tonglen]] for what you are feeling and for millions of others just like you who at that very moment of time are feeling exactly the same stuckness and misery. Maybe you are able to name your pain. You recognize it clearly as terror or revulsion or anger or | + | At that point you can change the focus and begin to do [[tonglen]] for what you are [[feeling]] and for millions of others just like you who at that very [[moment]] of time are [[feeling]] exactly the same stuckness and [[misery]]. Maybe you are able to [[name]] your [[pain]]. You [[recognize]] it clearly as {{Wiki|terror}} or revulsion or [[anger]] or |
| − | wanting to get revenge. So you breathe in for all the people who are caught with that same emotion and you send out relief or whatever opens up the space for yourself and all those countless others. Maybe you can’t name what you’re feeling. But you can feel it—a tightness in the stomach, a heavy darkness or whatever. Just contact what you are feeling and breathe in, take it in—for all of us and send out relief to all of us. | + | wanting to get revenge. So you [[breathe in]] for all the [[people]] who are caught with that same [[emotion]] and you send out relief or whatever opens up the [[space]] for yourself and all those countless others. Maybe you can’t [[name]] what you’re [[feeling]]. But you can [[feel]] it—a tightness in the {{Wiki|stomach}}, a heavy {{Wiki|darkness}} or whatever. Just [[contact]] what you are [[feeling]] and [[breathe in]], take it in—for all of us and send out relief to all of us. |
| − | People often say that this practice goes against the grain of how we usually hold ourselves together. Truthfully, this practice does go against the grain of wanting things on our own terms, of wanting it to work out for ourselves no matter what happens to the others. The practice dissolves the armor of self-protection we’ve tried so hard to create around ourselves. In Buddhist language one would say that it dissolves the fixation and clinging of ego. | + | [[People]] often say that this practice goes against the grain of how we usually hold ourselves together. Truthfully, this practice does go against the grain of wanting things on our [[own]] terms, of wanting it to work out for ourselves no {{Wiki|matter}} what happens to the others. The practice dissolves the armor of self-protection we’ve tried so hard to create around ourselves. In [[Buddhist]] [[language]] one would say that it dissolves the fixation and [[clinging]] of [[ego]]. |
| − | [[Tonglen]] reverses the usual logic of avoiding suffering and seeking pleasure and, in the process, we become liberated from a very ancient prison of selfishness. We begin to feel love both for ourselves and others and also we being to take care of ourselves and others. It awakens our compassion and it | + | [[Tonglen]] reverses the usual [[logic]] of avoiding [[suffering]] and seeking [[pleasure]] and, in the process, we become {{Wiki|liberated}} from a very [[ancient]] {{Wiki|prison}} of [[selfishness]]. We begin to [[feel]] [[love]] both for ourselves and others and also we being to take [[care]] of ourselves and others. It awakens our [[compassion]] and it |
| − | also introduces us to a far larger view of reality. It introduces us to the unlimited spaciousness that Buddhists call shunyata. By doing the practice, we begin to connect with the open dimension of our being. At first we experience this as things not being such a big deal or so solid as they seemed before. | + | also introduces us to a far larger view of [[reality]]. It introduces us to the [[unlimited]] [[spaciousness]] that [[Buddhists]] call [[shunyata]]. By doing the practice, we begin to connect with the open [[dimension]] of our being. At first we [[experience]] this as things not being such a big deal or so solid as they seemed before. |
| − | [[Tonglen]] can be done for those who are ill, those who are dying or have just died, or for those that are in pain of any kind. It can be done either as a formal meditation practice or right on the spot at any time. For example, if you are out walking and you see someone in pain—right on the spot you can | + | [[Tonglen]] can be done for those who are ill, those who are dying or have just [[died]], or for those that are in [[pain]] of any kind. It can be done either as a formal [[meditation practice]] or right on the spot at any time. For example, if you are out walking and you see someone in pain—right on the spot you can |
| − | begin to breathe in their pain and send some out some relief. Or, more likely, you might see someone in pain and look away because it brings up your fear or anger; it brings up your resistance and confusion. | + | begin to [[breathe in]] their [[pain]] and send some out some relief. Or, more likely, you might see someone in [[pain]] and look away because it brings up your {{Wiki|fear}} or [[anger]]; it brings up your resistance and [[confusion]]. |
| − | So on the spot you can do [[tonglen]] for all the people who are just like you, for everyone who wishes to be compassionate but instead is afraid, for everyone who wishes to be brave but instead is a coward. | + | So on the spot you can do [[tonglen]] for all the [[people]] who are just like you, for everyone who wishes to be [[compassionate]] but instead is afraid, for everyone who wishes to be brave but instead is a coward. |
| − | Rather than beating yourself up, use your own stuckness as a stepping stone to understanding what people are up against all over the world. | + | Rather than beating yourself up, use your [[own]] stuckness as a stepping stone to [[understanding]] what [[people]] are up against all over the [[world]]. |
| − | Breathe in for all of us and breathe out for all of us. | + | [[Breathe]] in for all of us and [[breathe out]] for all of us. |
| − | Use what seems like poison as medicine. Use your personal suffering as the path to compassion for all beings. | + | Use what seems like [[poison]] as [[medicine]]. Use your personal [[suffering]] as the [[path]] to [[compassion]] for all [[beings]]. |
Latest revision as of 15:04, 30 January 2020
by Pema Chödron
In order to have compassion for others, we have to have compassion for ourselves.
In particular, to care about other people who are fearful, angry, jealous, overpowered by addictions of all kinds, arrogant, proud, miserly, selfish, mean —you name it— to have compassion and to care for these people, means not to run from the pain of finding these things in ourselves. In fact, one’s whole
attitude toward pain can change. Instead of fending it off and hiding from it, one could open one’s heart and allow oneself to feel that pain, feel it as something that will soften and purify us and make us far more loving and kind.
The tonglen practice is a method for connecting with suffering—ours and that which is all around us— everywhere we go. It is a method for overcoming fear of suffering and for dissolving the tightness of our heart. Primarily it is a method for awakening the compassion that is inherent in all of us, no matter how cruel or cold we might seem to be.
We begin the practice by taking on the suffering of a person we know to be hurting and who we wish to help. For instance, if you know of a child who is being hurt, you breathe in the wish to take away all the pain and fear of that child. Then, as you breathe out, you send the child happiness, joy or
whatever would relieve their pain. This is the core of the practice: breathing in other’s pain so they can be well and have more space to relax and open, and breathing out, sending them relaxation or whatever you feel would bring them relief and happiness. However, we often cannot do this practice because we come face to face with our own fear, our own resistance, anger, or whatever our personal pain, our personal stuckness happens to be at that moment.
At that point you can change the focus and begin to do tonglen for what you are feeling and for millions of others just like you who at that very moment of time are feeling exactly the same stuckness and misery. Maybe you are able to name your pain. You recognize it clearly as terror or revulsion or anger or
wanting to get revenge. So you breathe in for all the people who are caught with that same emotion and you send out relief or whatever opens up the space for yourself and all those countless others. Maybe you can’t name what you’re feeling. But you can feel it—a tightness in the stomach, a heavy darkness or whatever. Just contact what you are feeling and breathe in, take it in—for all of us and send out relief to all of us.
People often say that this practice goes against the grain of how we usually hold ourselves together. Truthfully, this practice does go against the grain of wanting things on our own terms, of wanting it to work out for ourselves no matter what happens to the others. The practice dissolves the armor of self-protection we’ve tried so hard to create around ourselves. In Buddhist language one would say that it dissolves the fixation and clinging of ego.
Tonglen reverses the usual logic of avoiding suffering and seeking pleasure and, in the process, we become liberated from a very ancient prison of selfishness. We begin to feel love both for ourselves and others and also we being to take care of ourselves and others. It awakens our compassion and it
also introduces us to a far larger view of reality. It introduces us to the unlimited spaciousness that Buddhists call shunyata. By doing the practice, we begin to connect with the open dimension of our being. At first we experience this as things not being such a big deal or so solid as they seemed before.
Tonglen can be done for those who are ill, those who are dying or have just died, or for those that are in pain of any kind. It can be done either as a formal meditation practice or right on the spot at any time. For example, if you are out walking and you see someone in pain—right on the spot you can
begin to breathe in their pain and send some out some relief. Or, more likely, you might see someone in pain and look away because it brings up your fear or anger; it brings up your resistance and confusion.
So on the spot you can do tonglen for all the people who are just like you, for everyone who wishes to be compassionate but instead is afraid, for everyone who wishes to be brave but instead is a coward.
Rather than beating yourself up, use your own stuckness as a stepping stone to understanding what people are up against all over the world.
Breathe in for all of us and breathe out for all of us.
Use what seems like poison as medicine. Use your personal suffering as the path to compassion for all beings.
